Celebridade

Well, the first thing I have to admit is that I go out and drink on a pretty regular basis. Usually once during the week and once on the weekend, but sometimes more. I like to wear goofy, funny t-shirts on these outings because I find that they make great conversation starters. On the night in question, I decided to wear a shirt that read, "Don't Kanye me or I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mom." In my opinion, that's a great shirt. Anyone who know anything about those three celebrities has an opinion about what they did and will jump into a conversation about them.

Being that Wednesday is one of the better nights to get soused with my comrades, we all met up at Paul's Place at around 7pm and I was proudly sporting one of my new funny t-shirts. My two friends and I ate some chicken wings, and starting pouring beer on top of them in our bellies. I love my bar and we were having a fantastic time, and there were even some girls there that have never been there before. We bought them drinks, we made them laugh, and turned the charm up to 10 while we played some shuffleboard. All in all, the night started off pretty great.

My funny t-shirts were always a hit, but this one was getting lots of attention. Maybe because it was so soon after the whole Taylor Swift incident, or maybe people are just sick and tired of Kanye West. Who knows, really. All I know is that I was getting super-drunk and I had passed the point of caring about what funny t-shirts I was wearing or about the massive hangover I was sure to have tomorrow. Beer turned into whiskey and that, in turn, became boilermakers. Do you know how stupid a boilermaker can make you? If you don't know, then good for you. You're winning.

I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.

I turned around, some drunk witticism bubbling out of me when I saw the largest black man I have ever seen in my life sitting next to the second largest black man I had ever seen. After some stammered apologies, I was utterly relieved to learn that these two fine gentlemen where part of Jay-Z's security staff and were out getting some late-night food after coming off-duty. Jay-Z works quite a bit with a certain Kanye West, so my funny t-shirts selection was quite poignant for these guys.

I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.