Use Bacon T-Shirts In You Battle Against Vegans
There is a terrible plague racing across this land, my friends. A plague born upon the leafy wings of mustard greens soars overhead, dropping bombs full of bean curd and cabbage. The enemy wants nothing more than to make you feel guilty for eating the flesh of the inferior. They want to question the wisdom of eating things that contain such wonderful things like fat and salt. You alone, wearing your bacon t-shirt, can stand to this menace.
I know for a fact that something had to die for me to eat the steak I'm going to have for dinner tonight. I try not to think about the pain of some living thing and just enjoy my darn steak. These veggie-nuts are relentless, though. They want to show me videos of slaughterhouses and other unpleasantries. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but that one cow fed dozens of families. I'm sorry it had to die, but maybe it might want to think about developing some higher brain functions instead of 4 stomachs the next evolutionary leap.
Who really cares about cows, pigs, and chickens anyway? Would they be contributing to the world in any way except eating and pooping? All of the really cool animals in the world make their way by killing and eating the stupid, slow animals. It just so happens that humans are some of the coolest animals in the world, second only to the panther. If we, as a race, stopped eating animals then we would be kicked out of the Cool Animal Club in no time at all.
It doesn't help much that every celebrity you've ever wanted to see in the nude has gotten all riled up about animals being killed for food. Have you seen some of these ads? It's worse than a beer commercial. They use half-naked ladies to make us think that there is a slim chance they'll want to spend some time with you if you just stopped eating bacon. These are all lies! Those women would hate you whether you just ate a BLT or a salad!
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
I know for a fact that something had to die for me to eat the steak I'm going to have for dinner tonight. I try not to think about the pain of some living thing and just enjoy my darn steak. These veggie-nuts are relentless, though. They want to show me videos of slaughterhouses and other unpleasantries. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but that one cow fed dozens of families. I'm sorry it had to die, but maybe it might want to think about developing some higher brain functions instead of 4 stomachs the next evolutionary leap.
Who really cares about cows, pigs, and chickens anyway? Would they be contributing to the world in any way except eating and pooping? All of the really cool animals in the world make their way by killing and eating the stupid, slow animals. It just so happens that humans are some of the coolest animals in the world, second only to the panther. If we, as a race, stopped eating animals then we would be kicked out of the Cool Animal Club in no time at all.
It doesn't help much that every celebrity you've ever wanted to see in the nude has gotten all riled up about animals being killed for food. Have you seen some of these ads? It's worse than a beer commercial. They use half-naked ladies to make us think that there is a slim chance they'll want to spend some time with you if you just stopped eating bacon. These are all lies! Those women would hate you whether you just ate a BLT or a salad!
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
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