Waking Up In Trouble Without My Funny Irish T-Shirts
This is a factual account of last year's Saint Patrick's Day celebration. It all centered on lots of alcohol, a city-wide pub crawl, and my goal to wear different funny Irish t-shirts every hour of the evening. This is a valiant tale of a valiant young man whom most likely did not realize the depth of the errors he would make later that evening. He may of ended as a villain, but he began the evening with the heart of a hero.
The St. Patrick's Day in question began like any other. I was intending to go out and party with my friends for around five hours, so I wore five layers of funny Irish t-shirts in order to wear a new one every hour. The first stop of the pub crawl was scheduled for one hour, and it began with three quick shots of Jameson whiskey and a pint of green beer. I immediately got separated from my group when the bus left me and my brother behind. I was drunk, and I took off my first funny Irish t-shirt and gave it to a pretty girl.
The second hour found me farther down the street. I was separated from my friends and I was getting too drunk to care anymore. To illustrate this point, I gave away two of my funny Irish t-shirts to two girls to watch them kiss each other. I shed another funny Irish t-shirt to do body shots off of a chunky girl in the corner, who seemed pretty excited that someone wanted to hang out with her. I then made out with her for at least fifteen minutes.
In the third hour things started getting hazy. I know that the chunky girl had a brother, who punched me very hard in the ribs while I was kissing her. It hurt very much, but my efforts for revenge only got me ejected from the bar by bouncers...which also hurt pretty bad. I found the first pub I had gone to and proceeded to drink more shots of Jameson whiskey. Hour number three ended with me throwing up outside.
As far as hours number four through five go, it's a mystery not even the Hardy Boys could uncover. I can only fast-forward to hour number ten, which found me on a thin mattress on the floor of a jail cell. I was charged with public intoxication and I just now paid off the last of my fines. I woke up with no funny Irish t-shirts on at all. I can only hope that last one went for some good kisses. I'm sure I'll never know.
The St. Patrick's Day in question began like any other. I was intending to go out and party with my friends for around five hours, so I wore five layers of funny Irish t-shirts in order to wear a new one every hour. The first stop of the pub crawl was scheduled for one hour, and it began with three quick shots of Jameson whiskey and a pint of green beer. I immediately got separated from my group when the bus left me and my brother behind. I was drunk, and I took off my first funny Irish t-shirt and gave it to a pretty girl.
The second hour found me farther down the street. I was separated from my friends and I was getting too drunk to care anymore. To illustrate this point, I gave away two of my funny Irish t-shirts to two girls to watch them kiss each other. I shed another funny Irish t-shirt to do body shots off of a chunky girl in the corner, who seemed pretty excited that someone wanted to hang out with her. I then made out with her for at least fifteen minutes.
In the third hour things started getting hazy. I know that the chunky girl had a brother, who punched me very hard in the ribs while I was kissing her. It hurt very much, but my efforts for revenge only got me ejected from the bar by bouncers...which also hurt pretty bad. I found the first pub I had gone to and proceeded to drink more shots of Jameson whiskey. Hour number three ended with me throwing up outside.
As far as hours number four through five go, it's a mystery not even the Hardy Boys could uncover. I can only fast-forward to hour number ten, which found me on a thin mattress on the floor of a jail cell. I was charged with public intoxication and I just now paid off the last of my fines. I woke up with no funny Irish t-shirts on at all. I can only hope that last one went for some good kisses. I'm sure I'll never know.
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